Wednesday, June 19, 2019


imagination is sparked by an Ethrick Brown Novel. Book with images exploding from it

Read Scottish thrillers with great plots and laugh out loud humour

Stork with new born child

Help! She's Having a baby

A cop called Stuart or maybe Stewart

Could it be you. Let’s throw it out there and see what we find.

My tale relates to 1st February 1999. I was at Glasgow District Court. It was a morning citation. Case against some OLP merchants who had been screwing cars around Ibrox during Rangers games. I was sitting with my neighbour moaning about Detectives going to the District court or talking the usual court waiting room pish when I get a phone call. It was my neighbour from across the road.

“Your wife’s gone into Labour. Her waters have broken”

Okay it wasn’t really a big deal. We already had two kids and this was the third. My wife had been in Labour for 4 hours with the first one and two hours with the second. “When her waters break, get her to the hospital as soon as possible” The doctor had told me. “She won’t be hanging about with the third”. No problem I thought. I stayed in Hamilton and she had to go to Belshill maternity. My neighbour offered to take her but my wife had decided to be a stubborn girl. “I’m not going without you” she announced and refused to budge.

I explained my Plight to the PF and was immediately excused. I ran out the District Court into the street and it suddenly dawned on me.  I had been dropped off at court. I didn’t have a car. PANIC!!! There were no police cars in sight and I just commandeered the first cop I saw. He was initially reluctant as he was heading for Kilmarnock but on hearing my plight he dropped me off at Govan. I don’t really remember much about the journey. I was probably willing him to go faster or jump red lights in his private car but he got us there safely and as He dropped me off, I shook his hand and asked his Name. Stuart he said which coincidently was the name we had decided on if our child was a boy. Anyway I nabbed a Govan CID car. Dumped it at Pollok. Grabbed my car and flew to Hamilton. Picked up said, screaming, wobbling waddling wife and raced to Belshill. My neighbour had phoned ahead and two porters where waiting with a wheel chair. They just got my wife into the ward when my Little girl burst out and announced she wasn’t waiting any longer. Made it with nano seconds to spare.

Not sure if Stuart worked in Kilmarnock, lived in Kilmarnock or was just visiting but Lauren has now grown up and has made daddy proud. So Cheers mate I did appreciate the lift.