This week we had to write from the perspective of an inanimate object. I hope eveyone was all ears when I read this out.
Right folks just go easy on the ears. I’ve a lot to say but I don’t ever hear what you people rabbit on about so don’t take it out on me and just because I occasionally, well probably often, say nice things about man’s best friend you don’t have to make me look like one. I mean if you were walking across the hills with a jack Russell or a fox terrier and you came across something of interest you wouldn’t nail them to the spot so you could find it later. I mean let’s be serious you wouldn’t but as soon as I show you something to remember it’s Ooo! Let’s make you look like a dog, so we won’t forget where this place is. It’s pathetic. Dogs hear high pitched whistles and have far better hearing than you never mind me. I’m literally stone deaf. I’m just not interested. A dog can hear sounds long before you can, and it can receive many different messages at the same time which give it advantages over humans but folks I don’t need ears I just want silence. Dogs don’t like loud noises and I can’t hear them. Trust me if you want to hear what I have to say keep the noise down so you can concentrate on my words.
Technology is the way forward though. In the future no one should be able to mess with me the way they have in the past. I’ve no doubt fox terriers will still be around with their button ears. Loopy women with fetishes for dogs in hand bags will still crave after chihuahua’s with bat ears. Hard men with reputations and valuables to protect will still want Dobermans with cropped ears and beloved pets will still have floppy ears but I certainly won’t miss any of the little canine auditory appendages be they pricked, cocked, pointed, flat tipped, blunted, erected or drooped. No folks the future is coming and the age of the ear is fast disappearing. You lot here may cry for the past and yearn for the good old days when you could run your fingers to my ears just so could orientate your eyes but that’s not the way forward. I’m evolving and you can keep your finger tips especially the one’s you’ve licked before folding me over and making me look like some canine cross breed.
The younger generation will have far more respect for their books. Well they can’t exactly dog ear a kindle can they?