Saturday, August 24, 2019


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merry christmas

I missed the last meeting when Russell our creative writer gave everyone christmas cards to give them some inspiration for this weeks prompt. As I never got one, I couldn't do the prompt. Bah Humbug!



Why? You may ask. I’ll tell you why because it’s the time of the Millennials and Generation X or whatever they’re called, and I should be offended!!!

I feel excluded because Russell never gave me a Christmas card. His outrageous demands for the prompt make it impossible for me to complete the task and I feel my opportunities have been stifled. It’s just not a level playing field. Ok I wasn’t here four weeks ago but Russell should have thought of that and I am now being held back by institutional writing club-ism. 

Then again Christmas Cards are so old hat. If Russell had given me one, I’d still have to be offended. It’s the modern way. We can’t have Christmas anymore that would mean celebrating the birth of Christ and that may upset followers of Odin, Zeus, Thor, Athena or Aphrodite. Quite Ironic because they all got kicked into touch to accommodate Christians. Well look on the bright side at least we don’t have to attend the school nativity play anymore. It had too many religious connotations and we can’t have that.

It’s now the festive season or the yuletide Holidays. Much more inclusive. Everyone can join in and worship Santa now. The church has lost its power and business just loves to promote Santa. Who needs religion when we can all pump trillions into the yuletide black hole and buy each other all sorts of junk we don’t need or want? Aw! come on the kids love it. Don’t go all Bah humbug. Splash the cash and buy tons of food and drink. Indulge to excess, punish your liver, put on a few pounds and fill the bins with left over waste.

Oh, and don’t forget the homeless. Another reason I’m glad I never got a card from you Russell would be the guilt. I mean how many people do you know, on Facebook, who are taking a stand against Christmas cards and donating to shelter instead. You know the ones who spend all year boasting about foreign holiday’s, birthday presents, new cars, houses, etc, etc but at Christmas suddenly the homeless are an issue and they must do their bit. So, no card for you but they ask you to donate to shelter instead. Then, because they’re too tight to give up one of their holidays for the homeless, I must feel guilty about not donating to their selfish appeal and I wasn’t even bothered about a Christmas card. In fact, I don’t think they ever sent me a card in the past, So, bah humbug! stick your card and your appeal where the sun doesn’t shine and stop spending all your money on cars and holidays if you really give a hoot about the homeless.

Yeah! Christmas cards are divisive and politically incorrect instruments so we’re better off concentrating on the man in the red suit instead to ensure we can all join and celebrate with him. Still, that’s not an easy task when thirty percent of the Western World are upset that Santa is a man. Many find the idea of a Father Christmas uncomfortable and they’re not even the feminists. Only a tenth of those surveyed wanted a female Santa. They were probably male, and no doubt had some weird fantasies about Mrs Claus and Christmas stockings. Antagonists would just be sexist and wonder how she could cope with the festive period, but most kids were against a female driving their presents around in case she got lost. The astonishing thing was that a fifth of people believed Santa should be gender neutral. Don’t get me wrong I get the argument about gender specific toys, but the idea of an ungendered Santa just confuses me. Still it’s all about the kids and they don’t care about Santa’s gender provided their presents are delivered. I wonder if they’ll still feel the same in years to come when all they get is uni-sex onesies and a one size fits all uni-slipper.

So, Russell to cut a long story short. Likewise, I didn’t get you a card. I didn’t want to offend you and I haven’t completed the prompt either.

Statistics contained in this report are available from the BBC article ‘Gender neutral Santa is coming to town. The main thing is, we still get presents’, published 12 December 2018.